xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
