Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
