i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
