What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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