Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
