It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
