That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
