R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
