The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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