I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
