Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
