At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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