um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
