i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
