the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
