my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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