Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
