we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
