Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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