She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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