i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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