I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
