he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
