Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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