he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
