I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
