Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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