Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
