Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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