big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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