I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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