she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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