My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
