exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
