I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
