youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
