Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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