i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
