Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
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He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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