this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
