yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
