we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
