your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
