I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my liver is dry heaving
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
