i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
