Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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