I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?