Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.