if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes