kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?