I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
