end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
are you so shy because you have an std?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
