Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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