Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
where am i from again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
