do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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