I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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