Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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