Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
