the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
