Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We need to get me chipped asap
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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