Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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