Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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