So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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