I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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