i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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