Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
