Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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